The Quirky Life of P

Humor and satire revolving around Mr P- a fictional mix of an avatar of Mr Bean and the veritable Bertram Wooster of Wodehouse fame.

Archive for the tag “philosophy”

Life is not a level playing field for P

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P had never considered life to be a level playing field. Some people had all the brawn and the good looks and some people had all the brains. And then there were the groups with loads of both while there were some with little of either. Any amount of deep thinking could never clear P’s doubts as to why the Creator indulged in such biased and uneven creations.

Only the previous month, P had discovered a few grey hairs on his crown and had rushed and got his hair dyed black. He had been feeling happy with his looks soon afterwards but his calm was shattered a couple of days later. He was bewildered when he looked at himself in the mirror and discovered that the uneven skin tone on his face had worsened. His forehead, nose, cheeks and chin were now blotched with dark brown pigmentation. “Life is indeed full of ups and downs but I am not going to be defeated by it,” P decided. So he set out to try all sorts of remedies to improve his complexion from witch hazel toner and kumkumadi oil to more prosaic things such as turmeric powder, sandalwood paste, lime juice, honey, milk etc.  The skin tone did not improve with anything though and blotches of dark patches lay unevenly on his face. P then had to seek the expert opinion of a dermatologist.

“I think your skin is reacting to something. It must be some allergy”, concluded the doctor.

P then had one of his ‘Eureka’ moments! “You know what! It could be the hair dye! It all started after I used the hair dye”, he exclaimed.

“Then leave it be, P, stop using the dye,” the doctor recommended and P gladly obliged.

Without colouring his hair further, P’s complexion improved!

But ….

 

Life was never a level playing field

Though P struggled not to yield

Age caught up with him and his hair

Even though he took utmost care

He dyed black to hide the greys

And was quite happy for a couple of days

Till black blotches tainted his skin uneven

He tried all remedies that were proven

The doc then suggested and he complied

The dye to his hair he no more applied

The blotches vanished, his complexion improved

His allergy to henna and the colouring thus proved

But life is just so full of ups and downs!

It still left P with worrying frowns

Because……

While the blacks disappeared from his face, the whites got his hair!

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It’s what is inside that matters…

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P had been invited to a party that evening by the local youngsters and he had wanted to turn up looking young and good. Looking at himself in the mirror as he was brushing his hair into spikes, he found a gray hair peeking out. He parted his hair with his fingers to grab and uproot the culprit when he found that there were a few more of those whites scattered on his crown. He was devastated. It looked like age had finally caught up with him. He could only blame all those “Oh come on …. Grow up!!!” comments he often received from his friends and family. His body must have started listening to them perhaps, he thought.

He peered at himself more closely in the mirror. His heart fell as he saw tiny lines on his forehead, around his eyes and mouth. “Wrinkles” P muttered in shock! A few gray hairs were alright and might even be welcome. It could give him a dignified, salt and pepper look. As for the wrinkles, he decided that some skin renewal had to be done urgently…..

P made several phone calls to friends to find home remedies for blemishes and fine lines. Scanning through a lot of information, he finally picked chick pea flour, eggs, turmeric powder, lemon juice and honey. He closed all the window blinds and curtains to give the impression that no one was home. He did not want to be surprised by any visitors with his vanity treatments on. Gathering all the needed stuff from his kitchen,he made a paste according to the directions he had read, applied the pack on his face and sat down to do the daily crossword.

Quite soon, there was a knock on the door and P walked to the window and peered through the curtains. It was only his neighbor who had come to collect his garden shears that P had borrowed. Hastily P gathered the shears and opened the door.

“What the…..!” words choked in the neighbor’s throat in fright at the sight of the masked being coming at him with the shears…

“Oh, it’s only me” said P.

“What happened to your face?” asked the neighbor anxiously.

P then had to explain to his neighbor  about all his troubles with his looks and how he was worried that he may not get a girl friend or a wife and so on…

“Don’t worry too much about your looks P,” comforted the neighbor. “It’s what is inside that matters.”

“Oh? Are you sure?” asked P. “I don’t think I have much inside as well!” he said after a quick glance, inwards.

“Well, then that’s what you need to work on. You need a good person to be your friend or wife, and to such people, definitely it will be what’s inside that counts”, said the neighbor.

P stood stunned at his doorway as his neighbor collected the shears from his hands and left. Gathering his wits about, he walked back into his drawing room and looked around, more thoroughly this time. He rushed out into the porch and managed to catch his neighbor just as he reached the gate.

“Hey! Do you know any  good, interior decorators?” he shouted.

P’s confidence was in tatters,

His looks brought him to tears;

‘It’s  what is inside that matters’,

Is often what one hears.

Yet these words brought no solace,

He couldn’t help feeling inferior;

Though he worried less about his face,

He had to redo  his shabby interior

Going in circles

Circuitous Paths

A stranger knocks on your door, asking for directions from your home to the closest gas station (or café, or library. Your pick!). Instead of the fastest and shortest route, give him/her the one involving the most fun detours.

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If you need to find your way, don’t ask it of P;

His sense of direction is blighted as it could be:

If with his help your journey was charted,

You could end up where you started;

For poor P is indeed not street wise,

And going in circles you’ll soon realise,

His concept of the earth being round.

But on the journey of life, his theories may seem sound!

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Stranger: “Sorry to trouble you like this but I am from out-of-town and am a bit lost here. Would you be able to direct me to the city centre?

P: “Not a problem, mate. Where exactly in the city centre do you wish to go?”

Stranger: “I’ve come to participate in the craft market at the show grounds”

P: “Ah! It’s quite far away. Chris, my neighbour was talking about the market the other day and he said it is twenty minutes’ drive from here. I’ll tell you what would work best. I’ll jump in the car with you and show you how to get there”

Stranger: “That’s very kind of you. But how will you get back?”

P: “Don’t you worry about that. I’ll manage to get a ride back somehow just as I found one now to get to the market. You see, I had asked Chris to take me there in his car but he had not obliged, but I have found a ride now…” P smiled.

Stranger: “Ok then, that’s fine with me”

P hopped into the stranger’s car and off they went to the market. However, after taking numerous left turns, right turns and driving north, south, east and west, the stranger looked at his watch and said “I guess we have now been driving for more than forty minutes and you said it would only be a twenty minutes’ drive?”

P: “We are nearly there. You should not be in such a panic. Do you believe in souls and reincarnation?”

Stranger: “Yes ….but what has that to do with anything here now?”

P philosophised: “You know, souls are eternal and with reincarnation, what they can’t accomplish this life, they can achieve in the next or the next or the next…. There is eternity ahead and so you should not be so anxious about time. In this round world, we just go in circles…life after life after life… Unless you stop the cycle of rebirth”

Stranger a bit perplexed now: “I don’t want to be late for the market!”

P: “I know, I know!…  And that’s why I am trying to help you out here… Wait!…Stop!… Can you just take a U-turn and go back to the big, grey building we saw a kilometre behind us?”

Stranger: “But there didn’t seem to be any show grounds there. I read the board and it said  ‘Tourist Information centre’!”

P said sheepishly: “Exactly! Let’s go in there and get a map and some directions. To tell you the truth, I have a very poor sense of direction and am totally lost as well!”

Tourist information centre

 

Circuitous Paths

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