The Quirky Life of P

Humor and satire revolving around Mr P- a fictional mix of an avatar of Mr Bean and the veritable Bertram Wooster of Wodehouse fame.

Archive for the category “relaxation”

P floats like a butterfly

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He had always wanted to be

Super strong as Muhammad Ali;

‘To float like a butterfly and sting like a bee’

P believed was also his own destiny.

 

So not to be a silly noddy,

To the gym he went to build his body;

But work-outs got him tired so badly,

He gave up his dream ever so gladly.

 

Let butterflies float and bees sting:

P realised it just was not his thing,

To strive so hard with the training

And to be beaten around in the ring.

 

He now says he’s happier just being lazy

And for muscles and sinews, he’s not very crazy;

Why then on his Facebook, is a picture of Ali?

The brawny body is Ali’s but the quirky face is that of P!

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P’s tears flow….

P had a box of tissues handy to wipe his flowing tears. P’s heart was breaking, looking at what was going on…..

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P felt he needed some dope,

Or he wouldn’t cope;

Though not end life on a rope,

He would sit around and mope;

For answers he might grope,

But he couldn’t see any hope!

Could he change the situation? Nope!

For how could he alter things in a TV soap?

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P asks for more……….!

If only, if only, the weekends slowed down

And Monday took a long time to dawn!

If only, if only, the work days whisked by

And Monday to Friday sped in the blink of an eye!

 

Settling back to work on Mondays, was very painful and hard for Mr P! It is well known that a lot of people suffer from Monday blues. Some people can be mean and grumpy for being necessitated to put an end to the joys of the weekend and get to work. “This will have a negative impact on the productivity of others besides themselves”, thought Mr P. 

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P was tired of slogging from Monday to Friday and often wished he had a magic button to fast-forward these days. P’s understanding of Einstein’s theory of relativity was very sharp as he realised that time slowed down during weekdays. He wished that there could be more vacation days. It would have been alright if there were fewer working days in a week. Having just the weekend of Saturday and Sunday off was not enough at all…

“Then one surely must have Fridays off too”, P thought. He strongly believed that not much work gets done on a Friday anyway!

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People like him get so tired by Friday and are so eager for a break by then, that all what gets done on a Friday is just planning things for the weekend…. Such as whether to go to the Mexican restaurant and have Tacos, Nachos and Burritos or to ‘Cubby’s sports bar and grill’ for sweet potato fries, fried chicken and Long island iced tea for dinner. 

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Plans had to be made for Saturday and Sunday as well such as  whether to  go to ‘Papa John’s or MacDonald’s for lunch and whether to spend the days outside in the hammock with his favourite tipple  or inside watching movies…There were so many important decisions to be made! So why not have a holiday on Friday as well? P aspired for long weekend holidays for every week in the calendar.

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Mr P would have liked Wednesday to be a holiday as well. “Does it not make perfect sense to have a day off in between the two working days? Wouldn’t that keep you fresh and eager to work on Tuesday and Thursday?” he thought.

It all seemed logical and ideal to P till he realised that he still would need his pay check to cover all days of the week, and for that, his boss needed to be convinced……..

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Pace Oddity

Flip-flopping…

P felt that something always happened to spoil things when he was having fun or savouring the niceties of life. His experience at the beach today was a classic example:

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The sky was blue, the breeze was cool

The waves dancing and playful

On the beach, he stretched to read

When bored of watching gulls feed.

The pair of flip-flops, now they lay

From his feet, not far away.

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Leafing through ‘The Old Man and the Sea’

He read the blurb and let the book be;

The man in the book, he was old,

But wise he was not, though very bold;

Who would leave his catch a-floating

For other fish to have their filling?

 

He pondered on what he himself would do

When age caught up with him too;

A piece of cake it could never be

(Though a slice occasionally, he craved with tea)

With the economy and shares flip-flopping;

A wise old man would cut down spending.

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A frothy wave then tickled his feet wet

As the tide came in, the sun had set;

Barefooted, he left to buy his tea and cake;

His resolve on thrift, he had to forsake

To buy flip-flops; his pair floated away with the swell;

So why not then, a slice of cake as well?

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Odd Trio Redux

Synergy and Energy…

P was so tired and drained after a week’s hard work in Uni.. He needed to unwind and get his energy back. He pondered on what options he had to get him back on the rails again…

 

He took up a book, but not a page could he read;

His body and mind were tired indeed.

Lethargy engulfed him, his nerves were frayed,

He tried the radio, the TV, but his attention strayed;

So closing his eyes he curled in his bed;

But despite his invites, slumber desisted.

 

The violin he played and felt totally drained,

The neighbour complained: he and his cat were pained;

He listened to music and sang some songs,

His energy flow petered out as billabongs;

He sat in the sun and lay in the gloom

But fatigue still seemed to be his doom.

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Then he sipped some wine, inspiration dawned on him:

He breathed in and breathed out, deep breathing in rhythm;

He stretched and contorted in postures of yoga:

The dog, the tiger, the butterfly and cobra

And flat on his mat in the ‘shavaasana’ pose,

Depicting a corpse but he snored through the nose.

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From deep sleep when he later woke

He rushed to grab a drink of coke;

The drink down his throat he brimmed with energy;

He was back to life, courtesy synergy?

Or the coke, the slumber, the yoga or the wine?

Your guess I’d say, is as good as mine!

 

Back To Life

P gets lost in the world of lost art…

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“Even the art of appreciating poetry and literature is being lost in today’s modern world of text languages such “lol”, “ROFL” and so on, said P’s neighbour.

“OMG! Was he remarking on my language use?”wondered P.

The discussion with his neighbour had been about how people were too busy these days to appreciate the world around them and how important it was to get disconnected sometimes. The neighbour said that all these sentiments were best reflected in the poem “The world is too much with us; late and soon” by Wordsworth.

P nodded his head and agreed, though, he had never read or heard of the poem before.

The first thing he did as he came back indoors was to google and find the poem. He then read it a few times.

 

“THE WORLD IS TOO MUCH WITH US; LATE AND SOON”                 By William Wordsworth THE world is too much with us; late and soon,          Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers:          Little we see in Nature that is ours;          We have given our hearts away, a sordid boon!          The Sea that bares her bosom to the moon;

          The winds that will be howling at all hours,

          And are up-gathered now like sleeping flowers;

          For this, for everything, we are out of tune;

          It moves us not.–Great God! I’d rather be

          A Pagan suckled in a creed outworn;                        

          So might I, standing on this pleasant lea,

          Have glimpses that would make me less forlorn;

          Have sight of Proteus rising from the sea;

          Or hear old Triton blow his wreathed horn.

 

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Initially, P did not understand half of what the words meant. However, as he read the poem over and over, he started to understand parts of it and like it.

For example, the first words read: “The world is too much with us;”

P couldn’t agree more! “Of course the world is too much with the United States!”

Even great poets like Wordsworth were prone to typos as the ‘u ‘and the ‘s’ were not in capitals, he observed.

As for “late and soon,

          Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers”

P understood that the poet was talking about today’s energy crisis and how the salaries we were getting and spending were mostly being wasted on power bills.

P wholeheartedly agreed with the line, “Little we see in Nature that is ours”, as he read the line and looked out through the windows at the nearby skyscrapers and sighed. Not a single flat in those buildings was his. He would have loved to own a condo or an apartment in one of them but his finances were not up to scratch.

He could not make any sense of the line that followed: “We have given our hearts away, a sordid boon!”. He mulled on it for a few minutes and guessed that it was something to do with heart transplants, though he could not understand why the poet should talk about that subject just out of the blue like that. “The poet’s liberty”, P shrugged and moved on.

He then came to the part about the sea, the moon and the winds.

He sniggered at the comparison of winds and sleeping flowers! With P, things couldn’t be more contrary when he remembered all his sleepless nights when he had had too spicy a dinner and had felt bloated.

As for the last few lines of the poem, he clearly understood that the poet was writing about a guy named Proteus taking a swim in the sea while another guy, may be a lifeguard, called Triton sat on the shore.

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Triton, the lifeguard, blew through a horn instead of a whistle when Proteus swam too far out into dangerous waters and Proteus had to come back out of the sea.

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“Why would the lifeguard use a horn rather than a whistle?” P kept asking himself.

“Poetic liberty again”, he guessed.

Yawning, he turned on the TV and sat down to watch his favourite channel, lifetime movies.

 

A lost art

 

Lost art: Disconnect to connect

Dances with elephants-Mr P takes a joy ride!

There is nothing wrong in dreaming about riding an elephant! Mr P wanted to ride an elephant, get his picture taken in that glory, and post it on Facebook. This wish had budded in his mind ever since he saw the movie Bride and Prejudice, where the hero and heroine rode on an elephant in the last scene. Mr P had thought it was pretty cool!

So this time on his tour to India, P visited the elephant park at Kottoor in Kerala. As soon as he reached the place, P booked his ride straight away. He was given a time to turn up at a spot for his ride and in the meantime, P decided to take a walk around the park. He saw several elephants – they ranged from very young, hairy ones to huge giants. It was then that P realized that all of a sudden he was actually getting quite nervous about riding an elephant. P began to feel that he needed to keep at a distance from them, even from the baby ones. The baby elephants were too playful and seemed to want to tickle his ears with their trunks! As for the big, adult elephants, he felt them giving him such deep looks as if they knew all his darkest secrets! Of course he had heard about how intelligent elephants were.

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He now started having serious reservations about the elephant ride but was worried that if he withdrew now, it would make him look like a coward.  So, when the time came, he made his way to the location with shaking legs. The mahout was waiting for him with a huge elephant.

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Faint heartedly, P gazed at the large mammal which seemed to give him a mean, disdainful look.

“Can I have a ride on that elephant?” Mr P asked pointing to a frolicking baby elephant that stood some distance away.

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“Oh! No sir! It is too small to carry people. We only use adult elephants for rides,” said the mahout.

With no way of escape, P decided to climb on top of the giant that had now bent down on its knees at the instance of the mahout.

“If Tarzan can do it, so can I,” muttered Mr P as he proceeded to mount.

Climbing onto the back of an elephant was indeed a feat and after several aborted attempts, P finally made it to the top. As the elephant stood up erect, he sat astride on its back. Those who have sat astride on top of an elephant would realize how wide apart you have to keep your legs! It was almost like doing the splits!

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As the elephant moved forward, P felt very uncomfortable, so much so that he decided to change his position to side-straddle. Slowly he moved his legs around and finally managed to get them both together and down on one side of the elephant. However, on sitting sideways he found that he had moved too much to one side. As the elephant walked, P kept slithering and sliding further down the side of the elephant every time it moved. His silky, smooth track pants only aggravated the situation.

P decided that falling down from the top of an elephant would not be an enjoyable experience. So a flustered Mr P then decided to return back to his original position and sit astride. He started moving his legs around once more. However, he had lost his sense of orientation in his anxiety and when he finished adjusting his seating, he found that he was sitting astride facing the tail end of the elephant! So P started to turn around again.

Changing one’s position atop a moving elephant is not an easy task for a person riding an elephant for the first time, but misfortune had not glanced his way, ……. yet. With the last move however, P nearly fell off and was saved only by grabbing the rope around the elephant’s neck. Somehow he maneuvered himself back on top. He was now lying prostrate on top of the elephant, facing its tail end and hugging the animal for dear life. Hearing a loud applause he slowly lifted up his head and saw that he had gathered a huge audience. A big crowd had gathered and was watching P’s antics on top of the elephant. No one could be blamed if they thought they were watching an atop-the-elephant-acrobatic show and were showing their appreciation with a loud ovation.

The elephant and the mahout however, had no such conceptions. The stressed probiscidean was getting very nervous and the mahout decided to end the joy ride. Very soon (though it felt like eternity to P), the elephant stopped moving and the mahout got it to kneel down. He gathered brave Mr P from the back of the animal. P had nearly fainted. A big cheering from the crowd got P standing up on his wobbly legs to acknowledge their appreciation but saw that the applause was intended for the elephant and the mahout. With an end to all the wriggling on its back, the Elephas maximus indicus breathed a deep sigh of relief and stood up.  The mahout and the elephant looked traumatised as they slowly walked away. They probably would need counselling! No pictures or videos were taken, so Facebook missed a hilarious upload!

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