The Quirky Life of P

Humor and satire revolving around Mr P- a fictional mix of an avatar of Mr Bean and the veritable Bertram Wooster of Wodehouse fame.

Archive for the month “April, 2012”

Things go wrong for Mr P on the yoga mat!

shavaasana-copy

Mr P could go on and on about the merits of yoga. Like most yogis, he also liked talking about the goodness of being a vegetarian. Yet P was a vegetarian only when there was no non vegetarian food available. Slightly misquoting the original saying P justified that though he craved to be a vegetarian, “the spirit was willing, but  flesh made him weak!!!” .

Anyway, coming back to the topic of yoga, Mr P had a yoga certificate under his belt. The Yoga Shiromani certificate gave him the eligibility to teach yoga.  After obtaining the qualification, Mr P practised yoga once in a while whenever he noticed that his waist line was expanding much faster than the progression of his spirit. The Asana that Mr P liked best was Shavasana or the corpse posture, where one lies flat on the back with arms and legs stretched and relaxing with the eyes closed. But mat time often became nap time for Mr P. He would wake up finally and look at his watch to see that he had spent at least two hours doing yoga… But the girth of his waist never seemed to decrease!

When he thought about it more, P realised that perhaps he would be able to do more active yoga if he did it in a group rather than all alone by himself. P then hit on the brilliant idea of starting a yoga class. He believed that if he taught yoga, he would be doing all the postures with the students rather than snoozing off. So Mr P spread the word around and soon had a class started. There were five students on the first day. Mr P started with his favorite posture – the Shavasana. He demonstrated it for his students.

Lying flat on his back on the yoga mat spread on the floor he began with “Relax your toes.”

More than any yoga stretches, what Mr P was really good at stretching, was the word “relax“. He felt that stretching it out helped people unwind more.

So he said “Relaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaax your toes!”

“Relaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaax your feet,” came after a long pause.

“Relaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaax your thighs” followed after awhile.

Relaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaxing the stomach, chest, hands, neck and so on he went upwards, slowly, in a gentle, sombre voice……

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

When finally Mr P opened his eyes, he saw that his students were sitting up politely waiting for him to wake up. Someone even commented on Mr P’s noisy snoring.

 

In the next class as well, Mr P started with his favourite Shavasana posture. Relaxing, he slept off as usual because …… he was all by himself on the yoga mat once again!

Pitfalls of cooking and Mr P: Things get more slippery!

You may recall from the earlier post that Mr P had wanted to cook some Dahl for his guest ( http://avatarofmrbean.com/2012/03/28/pitfalls-of-cooking-and-mr-p-the-saga-continues/ ). The way Mr P prepares Dahl is quite easy. You just have to pressure cook lentils (either green gram which is also known as moong dal or red gram or Pigeon pea which is also known as tur dal) in water with a pinch of turmeric powder until they form a nice soup. Then you heat two tablespoons of oil in a pot and add half a teaspoonful of mustard seeds, cumin seeds and a couple of red chillies. You add the cooked lentils into the pot when the mustard starts popping. Into the liquid you can now add salt to taste, a bit of garlic paste and a very tiny pinch of ground cumin and optionally a pinch of garam masala. Green chillies, onion and one or two tomatoes may also be added. The Dahl is ready when the soup boils for a few minutes. moong Ki dal, Moong Ki Daal

Just as Mr P was about to start preparing lunch he realized that he had run out of dish washing liquid and cooking oil. So he brought out the bottles of Canola oil and Sunlight dish wash he had bought earlier in the week and placed one by the stove and the other by the sink. Mr P then cooked some lentils in the pressure cooker and nodded off in the kitchen chair reading the day’s newspaper. The cooker’s whistle woke him up when the lentils were thoroughly cooked into a soup. Mr P poured two generous tablespoons of oil into a pot heating up on the stove. He was in a hurry because he had spent time reading the newspaper (he definitely would not admit to napping) when he should have been doing other things to get lunch ready for his guest G who was soon to return from shopping. He did not wait for the oil to get really hot before he added the mustard seeds, the cumin seeds and the pieces of red chili peppers. He was in so much of a hurry that he did not wait for the mustard seeds to pop before he dumped the cooked lentils into the pot with some water and added the garlic paste, cumin and the garam masala powder. He left the pot to boil on the stove and scurried to the kitchen sink to do the breakfast dishes. He opened the tap, stoppered the sink and poured a generous amount of the new dish washing liquid into the basin.

“This is one funny dish washing liquid”, thought Mr P. “Looks like someone has invented a non sudsy detergent!”.

He put the dishes in to wash. As he tried to rinse the plates, he noticed something strange. The dishes had turned very slick and greasy and no amount of rinsing with fresh water could make them clean. They had tiny globules of something like oil all over them.

His hands also felt very oily. He smelled his hands and the plate he was trying hard to clean. Instead of the lemony smell of the dish wash, he smelled something very different.

“If it feels like oil, smells like oil and looks like oil, it must be oil,” he decided and checked the bottle that he had put by the side of the sink.  It said “Pure  Canola Oil”.

Mr P groaned. He was in for a big job now to get the dishes oil free. However, he had not yet realized that he was in Double trouble with Bubble trouble. Have you, now?

A lemony smell was wafting from the pot on the stove. Mr P rushed to check his Dahl. Something strange was happening to it. It was all frothy, sudsy and lathering up!!!

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